Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize