i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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