good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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