NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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