i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize