I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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