I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
