Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
