You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
