but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
