is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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