You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
40s are totally the cure
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
