You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
