when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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