so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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