if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
