Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
