Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your penis caused this!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
