You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
