there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
