she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
