Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
