took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
