go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize