She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
