One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
