david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
