My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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