Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
