im drinking this country out of the recession.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
