mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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