He had one of those small greek statue penises
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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