Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
