So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
