i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
