I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
