I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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