You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
