I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she smelled like a LAN party
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize