Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
