Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
