Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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