you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
