Clothes are such an inconvenience.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
