dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
