You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize