the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
