Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
