Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

mondays should just be called national damage control day

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(330): View more from Ohio

So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

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(330): View more from Ohio

Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.

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