you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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