Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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