I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
