i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
