bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize