dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
