Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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