Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
