sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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