What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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