I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
