Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
