And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
