Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
